Autism and perfectionism in adults: why stopping feels hard
The email is finished. You read it again because one sentence might come across badly. Half an hour later, you have mostly moved words around. Perfectionism is not a sign that establishes autism, but some autistic adults recognise this kind of getting stuck. ‘Be less perfectionistic’ is unlikely to help. You want to know when you can stop without feeling that you have missed something important.
Is perfectionism part of autism?
Perfectionism is not a requirement for autism or a way to diagnose it. Some autistic adults recognise it strongly; others do not. You can also be perfectionistic without being autistic.
Research specifically on perfectionism in autistic adults is limited. A frequently cited study by Greenaway and Howlin involved boys, not a representative adult sample. It cannot establish that every autistic adult is more likely to be perfectionistic.
For your own situation, look at what the behaviour does. Do you enjoy working carefully on something, or has finishing become difficult because the possibility of a mistake feels increasingly threatening? The same person can experience both.
When being careful starts to keep you stuck
An extra check can be useful. The difficulty is when checking no longer gives you new information but stopping still feels impossible. You may be trying to reach a feeling of certainty that the task cannot provide.
Putting things off can be part of this: while you have not started, you have not got it wrong. That does not explain every difficulty starting. Missing instructions, trouble switching attention or simply having no energy left can look similar from the outside.
| Situation | A useful question |
|---|---|
| You keep rewriting an ordinary message | Are you still changing its meaning, or trying to anticipate every possible reaction? |
| A task waits until you have a whole free day | Does it really need to be finished in one sitting, or has that become your own rule? |
| You recheck work that has already been approved | Has a specific error appeared, or does the approval leave you feeling uncertain? |
| You cannot begin a vague assignment | Are your standards too high, or are you missing information about what is expected? |
What are you trying to prevent?
If criticism has often caught you off guard, a new task may feel full of hidden rules. Continuing to polish it can be an understandable attempt to avoid another surprise. That is one possible explanation, not a fixed account of where your perfectionism came from.
Sometimes the extra work is mostly social. A message needs to sound friendly without being overfamiliar. You are managing the task and your presentation at the same time. This kind of self-monitoring can be part of masking.
For one task, name the outcome you are worried about. ‘It is not good enough’ is difficult to check. ‘My colleague will not know the deadline’ is specific. If the date is clearly stated, that particular problem has been addressed.
Agree what finished means at work
‘Just send a rough draft’ can leave you with more questions. How rough? Does someone want to review the ideas or the formatting as well? Clarify this before spending hours on a part that was not needed yet.
A stopping point is easier to use when someone else knows what you agreed. For an internal update, that might mean the facts are correct, the unresolved question is clear and a colleague has checked the figures. Presentation can wait until the final version.
Try a small task with a clear endpoint
Choose something with limited consequences, such as a message arranging a meeting. Do not start with medication, safety checks or work where an error could cause serious harm. Required checks still matter.
Before writing, decide what the message needs to achieve. Then check that the information is correct. Set a suitable endpoint for this particular task, perhaps one read-through for content. Send it even if you do not feel entirely reassured. If that is too much today, choose a smaller step.
Afterwards, briefly note what you expected and what actually happened. Comparing the two can help you examine a rule you have been following. This is not another performance to get right: you do not have to tolerate the discomfort perfectly or repeat the exercise every day.
If it keeps taking over
If checking costs you sleep or regularly extends your working day, it deserves attention. Tell a GP or psychologist how much time it takes and what you give up to keep doing it. A specific example makes the problem clearer than the word perfectionism alone.
Repeated checking does not automatically mean OCD. If unwanted thoughts or actions you feel compelled to perform are a major part of the problem, discuss those separately. Overload can also make decisions and finishing tasks harder. Turning recovery into another improvement project may add to that pressure.
Perfectionism can contribute to overall demands, but it does not prove what caused a burnout. Look at your whole week and what could be made more manageable around you.
How much room do you have for this task today?
The Energy Check gives you a moment to consider your capacity. Use it to make a task smaller or postpone it if you are already near your limit.
Try the Energy CheckCommon questions
Are all autistic people perfectionists?
No. Perfectionism is not a diagnostic feature of autism. Experiences vary, and research in adults does not justify assuming it applies to everyone.
How can I stop repeatedly checking work?
First clarify which checks are needed and who decides the work is finished. For a low-stakes task, agree a specific endpoint. Keep required quality and safety checks in place.
Is perfectionism the same as OCD?
No. Checking can serve different purposes. Persistent unwanted thoughts or actions you feel compelled to perform are worth discussing with a qualified professional.
What if ‘good enough’ feels too vague?
Replace that phrase with a concrete agreement about the task. For example, a message can be finished when the recipient knows the date you need a reply. Being told to try less hard does not resolve missing instructions.