Small Talk & Informal Chats
For you it's a quick chat at the coffee machine. For your colleague it can feel like an oral exam they couldn't prepare for.
Why small talk costs so much energy
Small talk follows unwritten rules that neurotypical people pick up automatically: when to laugh, how long to maintain eye contact, when it's your turn to speak. Autistic people have to do this consciously — every single time. It's not that they don't like you or aren't interested. It's that a brief chat at the printer already uses a piece of their daily energy budget.
Ask specific questions
Vague openers like 'how are you?'
Why: A specific question ('Did you finish that project?') is easier to answer than something that requires a social script.
Accept short answers
Keep probing when someone says 'fine'
Why: 'Fine' might genuinely mean fine. Not everyone feels the need to summarize their weekend.
Talk about shared interests or the work itself
Expect everyone to join in on gossip or weather chat
Why: Many autistic people light up in conversations about topics they care about. That's not an inability to make small talk — it's a preference for depth.
Let silences exist
Fill every silence because it feels uncomfortable
Why: Silence in the workplace isn't inherently awkward. For your colleague, it might actually be restful.
Signal when you want to chat
Just start talking when someone is focused
Why: An interruption costs more than the few seconds it seems. Context-switching is often extra taxing for autistic people.
What also works
Some colleagues are easiest to reach via chat or email — even if they sit three desks away. That's not being distant, it's a communication style that fits better. Sometimes the best work relationships develop through Slack.