Misunderstandings & Assumptions
Most workplace conflicts don't arise from what someone does, but from what you think it means.
We interpret constantly
At work, we read behaviour as if it contains a message. Someone who doesn't smile is angry. Someone who answers briefly is uninterested. Someone who eats alone is antisocial. But those interpretations are based on neurotypical social codes — and those don't apply to everyone. What you see isn't always what's there.
She's uninterested — she never asks about my weekend
Small talk is learned behaviour that costs energy. Not asking about your weekend doesn't mean your colleague doesn't care. They might show involvement in other ways: helping with a project, remembering how you take your coffee, or noticing when you seem off.
He's rude — he just says exactly what he thinks to your face
Directness is the default communication style for many autistic people. There's no ill intent behind it. Your colleague says exactly what they mean, without wrapping it up. It feels uncomfortable if you're used to indirect communication, but it's actually more efficient and honest.
She's antisocial — she always eats alone
Lunch is recovery time, not another social event. After a morning full of stimuli and conversations, eating alone isn't a choice against you, but a choice for themselves. The energy they save at lunch, they use in the afternoon to work productively with you.
He's difficult — he always wants everything exactly by the rules
Structure isn't rigidity, it's a coping mechanism. Rules and agreements provide predictability in a world that can be overwhelming. When your colleague asks for clarity about deadlines or procedures, that's not being difficult — that's making sure the work gets done well.
She has no sense of humour
Sarcasm and ambiguous jokes are often taken literally. That doesn't mean your colleague has no humour — autistic humour can be unexpectedly sharp and dry. The difference is in the type, not the ability.
He's inflexible — he gets thrown off by changes
Change requires extra processing time. Not because your colleague can't handle it, but because every modification means the mental model needs to be rebuilt. Give advance notice, explain why something is changing, and allow time to adjust.
When in doubt: ask
Instead of interpreting, you can just ask. "I noticed your reply was brief — is everything okay?" is better than spending three days thinking someone is mad at you. Direct communication works both ways. Your autistic colleague will probably appreciate it.