Communication
How do you talk when your communication styles differ? Direct communication may feel uncomfortable, but it prevents a lot of frustration.
Why hints often don't work
In many families, people communicate indirectly: a sigh, a certain look, saying something while meaning something else. Autistic people often don't pick up these signals — not because they don't care about you, but because their brain literally processes information differently. Direct communication isn't confrontation, it's clarity.
Say exactly what you mean
Drop hints and hope they pick up on them
Why: Direct communication prevents misunderstandings. Hints are often taken literally or missed.
Give processing time — silence isn't rejection
Expect an immediate answer
Why: Processing takes time. Silence often means they're taking your question seriously.
Announce big conversations in advance
Ambush them with heavy topics
Why: Preparation time helps. 'I'd like to talk about X, but it doesn't have to be now.'
Ask if this is a good moment
Start when they just arrived or are tired
Why: Timing makes the difference between a good conversation and one that stalls.
Check if you understand each other
Assume you know what they mean
Why: Misunderstandings arise because both parties think they mean the same thing.
Communication differences
Literal vs. figurative
When you say 'drop by anytime', it might be taken literally. Be specific when it matters.
Eye contact
Less eye contact doesn't mean disinterest. Some people listen better when they don't have to look.
Staying on topic
Some people stick with a topic until it's done. Ask if they're finished before changing subjects.
Showing emotions
A flat tone doesn't mean flat feelings. Ask if you're not sure how they feel.
Practical: start small
You don't have to change everything at once. Pick one thing: for example, "this week I'll try to explicitly say what I want instead of hoping it gets picked up." See what happens.