School Situations
School isn't only stressful for children. Parent-teacher evenings, events, group chats — a whole ecosystem of social expectations.
The school gate as a social minefield
Other parents seem to effortlessly chat at the gate. You stand there thinking: when can I leave? That feeling isn't strange — the school gate combines everything that's challenging: unstructured social interaction, sensory stimuli, and unwritten rules.
Situation by situation
Parent-teacher evenings
Packed classroom, fluorescent lighting, lots of parents at once, small talk in between.
- •Ask if you can go first or last
- •Bring earplugs for the hallway
- •Prepare your questions in advance — saves thinking on the spot
- •It's okay to just do the 10-minute meeting and skip the rest
School events and performances
Gym hall full of children, loud music, sitting still for a long time among other parents.
- •Go, but give yourself permission to leave early
- •Sit on the aisle, close to the exit
- •Earplugs reduce the noise without blocking everything out
- •Your child sees that you were there — they don't remember how long
Parent group chats
Endless messages, unwritten social rules, notifications that never stop.
- •Mute the group and check once a day
- •You don't have to respond to every emoji thread
- •If you need to know something, you'll read it — 90% is noise
- •Don't send sorry for replying late. Nobody's counting
Communication with the teacher
Unexpected conversations at pick-up, unclear expectations, implicit communication.
- •Ask for written communication where possible
- •Schedule a fixed meeting time instead of ad hoc
- •It's okay to say: "Let me think about this and I'll email you tomorrow"
- •If it's about your child: ask specifically what they expect from you
Do
- •Consciously choose which school activities you attend — not everything is compulsory
- •Communicate with the teacher if you need adjustments
- •Let your partner or someone else step in when you can't
- •Prepare yourself: knowing what to expect reduces the load
Don't
- •Forcing yourself to attend everything "for your child"
- •Pretending you have no difficulty with school situations
- •Getting swept up in social expectations that don't suit you
- •Feeling guilty when you skip something — your child will survive
Should the school know?
That's up to you. There's no obligation. But it can help if the teacher understands why you prefer email over phone calls, or why you don't come to every coffee morning.
You don't have to share your full diagnosis. "I'm sensory sensitive and work better with written communication" is enough.